Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Am I Bothered?

Well yes.......quite frankly I am bothered but also I'm not....nothing but contrary then!
The eagle eyed who come here to see some creations will have noticed that I have hardly posted anything in that line for a while....except for my DT commitments to The Artistic Stamper that my conscience would not allow me to miss!
Quite simply I'm finding it difficult to adjust to living on my own and having to do everything is such a effort! LOL
If there is a crack in the wall I need to mend it, grass needs cutting...that would be me then! Need to eat....make that too, get the right kind of stuff to mend the crack.
...I'm not thick, I sort of know what I need but don't need some idiot telling me to use something I know is completely wrong...I haven't lived with a man who knows about these things for 33 years without some knowledge rubbing off!!
Do the weeding, clean the bath, replace light bulbs, do the hoovering, replace strimmer plastic stuff that now does not seem to want to work.....clean the plastic chairs 'cos the darned visiting pigeon pair seem to like perching on the edge and leaving evidence all the time.

...oh! Go to work full the dustbin man's job for him as well (you know the recycling boxes and where to put stuff nightmare I can never remember!)....go for walks 'cos I need the exercise re my it any wonder I never have the will to actually make anything?

If only I could afford to pay a man that can I'd be laughing! HOL
I know there are lots of people out there who live on their own and manage very nicely thank you and must think me some sort of wimp...but after living with someone for 33 years it is a very big shock to the system.
One that must have been praying on my mind more than I cared to admit 'cos I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night on Sunday with the realisation that yes........I really am on my own!!!
I've been in the dismals ever since and was soooo in the dismals on Monday that I could not pull myself together and my boss said take the day off, sit in the garden and have a glass of wine!
I was so in the dismals that I thought it can't get any worse so you know what? I went and collected Pip's's a pleasant 5 minutes walk to the funeral directors...but that was about the only pleasant thing about it!
I will pull myself together it will get better......I thought it was....but hey ho the 1 year anniversary of Pip's death has been more traumatic than I thought.
I'm going out with my girlie friends on Friday.......sod the crack in the wall!
Sorry to be a misery guts...but real life is not all "sunshine, lollipops and rainbows"!

Things are not all bad!
Come back Saturday for a fun little Artistic Stamper piece ;)
TTFN Sioux xoxo
P.S. I'm not seeking sympathy although you all very kindly give it and thanks for that.
...just telling it how it is! I tend to use this space as a little diary to myself and I sometimes forget that others actually read the $!*£ too!!!! HOL


  1. Can not image how difficult it must be for you. The first anniversary will be hard but things will get better in time. I have lost a lot of people over the years (close family and friends) and I promise it will get better. Take the time to you need to feel right with the world and look forward to seeing all your wonderful creative projects. Big (((HUGs)) Anesha

  2. Could not remember the actual date but did know May was the anniversary so have been stalking to see if you were ok. I think you have been amazing, I don't think I could of coped as well.
    We are here when you need us.

  3. Am sending hugs - I can't imagine how you are feeling really either but if you need a shoulder just shout.

  4. I know where you are coming from - although on my own through divorce (not of my initiation) rather than the sad loss you faced, I had a total shock coming to terms with solitary living - and you have a huge network of friends close by you, which I sometimes feel I don't (was never very good at making friends!) It is VERY hard learning to get on with things that someone else used to do - or help with - so I am fully behind you and you do have my sympathy even though you don't solicit it. Many many hugs and hopes that the second year gets easier for you. Lots of love, Helen.

  5. Hello lovely. I would be totally suprised hun if you didn't feel the way you do right now. What you are feeling is totally normal and i reckon you are being far too hard on yourself darlin. I lost my Mum 2 years ago and seperated with my hubby a year ago and combined with my health problems i have found it sooooo hard. But you know what? i try to be less hard on myself as i know things will get done, how im feeling is "normal" and things "will" get better. I know that time does heal and i know that i am not always going to feel like this. Just take the time to look after yourself inside & out and cut yourself some slack every now and then. Make sure you reach out to your friends too as maybe like me you are far too independent for your own good!!!. I find my blog such a wonderful place to write about my life and so what if we have the occasional whinge! that's what all your genuine blog mates are for. Take care hun and time does help. Big hugs Clare xxx

  6. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to now be on your own after so many years, but like Helen I do not have a big network of friends so know how it feels sometimes. I hope whole heartedly that things look more positive for you soon and remembering the good times help in your mending. Take care. Tracy x

  7. Just sending you loads of hugs. Annette x

  8. Oh Sioux! Do hope that things get better soon, you have been soldiering on and have been so brave through everything. Don't be afraid to ask for help as sometimes others may not want to offend by offering,
    (speaking as one who wishes she had offered help to someone sooner than I did!)
    Hugs, Chrisx

  9. Hey you. Just catching up and read this post with my hand over my mouth holding back those bl**dy tears that neither of us want. Sometimes I WANT to be on my own then I try to do something that I don't have the strength for and reality hits. I've been married just short of 44yrs (22 of them to 'peg leg')and am scared of the next 10 or 20 - if I'm lucky, 'cos I know what happens after those. This cr*p is not going away but it will get easier, just not yet eh?
    Thank God for friends and beautiful scenery.
    Great big hugs
    Joanne xxxxx

  10. Sending hugs x Be kind to yourself xx and I am glad the wine got open!

  11. Sioux, I think you are amazing how you have coped with everything over the last year. You are not the bionic woman, forget the hoovering and the crack in the wall. who cares. Get yourself some girlie company and do something for yourself. Have some chat and some wine and some company and I'm sure you'll feel better. I can't imagine what it must be like, it frightens me just to think about it and anniversaries are always going to remind you but things will get better, you have all of us thinking and caring about you so take some time and have a big hug my friend.
    Take care of yourself and start throwing some ink about soon.
    Take care


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